Be Still
by Chairman Meow
Summary: Post Deathbringer. Tanith returns after 4 years of, well ... you know. She seeks help from the only person who could understand and keep her secrets. SUPER SPOILERS FOR MORTAL COIL & DEATHBRINGER. Rated M for later chapters of which there will me many!


Okay so I have been wanting to write this for a while because ... well because its Chinith! I don't need another reason!  
Read and Review, let me know what you think so far.

WHEN I SAID SPOILERS _I MEANT IT!_ READ AT YOUR OWN RISK haha

There is much, much more to come ... just thought I'd be a tease ;)

ENJOY! 3

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The wind whipped through the wispy strands of her blonde hair as the motorbike rounded another corner. The flickering of Dublin's street lights reflected off her helmet, with her face remaining safely tucked away behind the visor. Keeping in check the tears that had been threatening to burst forth for the whole journey, Tanith shook off the feeling that what she was about to do was a very bad idea. The bike rounded yet another corner and the winter frostiness found its way through her thick leathers to disperse itself over the surface of her skin, locking her in its icy cling. But she was used to this chill now. The kind of chill that not only clung to her, but bore its way to her bones and latched itself there with no intent of letting go. Pushing down a choke, she continued on through the back streets of the city, each corner ahead urging her forward and the darkened stretch of road behind her hauling her back to reality.

The buildings racing past her became more and more familiar and Tanith was overwhelmed with glimpses of herself … or what used to be herself … riding these streets, often burdened with worries or pain which seemed trivial to her now. She would have all but curled up in a dark corner if it wasn't for the fact that she knew she was nearly there. She slowed her pace as she neared the large building, which in the poor lighting of the Dublin evening had no detail or uniqueness, nothing to distinguish it from the building next door. But she was certain she had arrived, the way a cat finds its way home after days of hunting. But it wasn't days for Tanith. How long had it been now, she thought; three, four years?

As she reached out for the intercom she had to stop herself from turning around and riding straight back the way she came. The metal button was cool beneath her finger even through her gloves. The ringing began and the panic set in. Why did she even bother trying to come back? Who was going to believe her, who could help her? She needed someone who understood how it felt. How she dreamt in shades of red and how the constant guilt weighed her down and swirled inside her, reminding her of the darkness she was for so long. She felt light headed and the already dark sky began to spin. Who is to say she won't be killed as soon as she answers. There was only one person who could help her, and who wouldn't announce her being here to every sorcerer in the city. Someone who dealt in the business of secrets, someone who could keep hers.

"It is 11pm, who are you and what on earth do you want?" answered the voice, calm and smooth even in anger.

"China, it's me … its Tanith … I need your help" Tanith said in an almost whisper lest she be overheard.

Silence was the response she received. Silence, followed by the harsh buzz of the door unlocking.

Tanith didn't need to be told twice. She made sure her bike was suitably hidden behind a small shrub and she began to climb the stairs to china's apartment. Rapping her knuckles gently against the embossed wooden door at the top, she waited, the fear making her irritatingly alert and the guilt knotting itself in her gut so that she had to hold back being sick.

The door slowly crept open with an eerie silence, but China was standing about six metres back, hand outstretched, finger pointing and those icy blue eyes untrusting.

"Take off your helmet" she stated, nothing in her voice.

Tanith had completely forgotten she was wearing it, but suddenly found herself not wanting to take it off. How could she look straight into those blue eyes, how did she even look? She couldn't remember the last time she saw herself in a mirror. The only thing harder than thinking about facing her friends was facing herself. Tears crept their way into the corners of her eyes and suddenly she felt so vulnerable and afraid and the memories threatened to flood back at any time, and the tears threatened to burst. She hated feeling like this, Feeling weak; this wasn't her normal behavior. The realisation that reluctance to remove her helmet would only serve to immediately put China off side and probably kill her brought her back from her hysteria and soothed her slightly with some sensibility.

China watched with caution as Tanith began to remove her helmet. Tanith couldn't see it but she had hundreds of invisible circles and symbols surrounding her on the floor. She couldn't take any chances with a remnant; she knew firsthand how unpleasant they were. The helmet fell carelessly to the carpet just inside the door. Rouge blonde curls concealing most of the adepts face. China stiffened, only slightly, and braced herself.

Tanith lifted her head and China had to use all of her strength to not jump backwards. But Tanith saw the blue gaze falter at the sight of her. The matted, dirty blonde hair clinging to her clammy face, her eyes, their old brown, but hollow and filled with pain. The dark bags underneath them an unsightly purple and the few stray tears that slid down her cheek; her bone white cheek, with none of those black veins blemishing the surface.

In a rare lapse of judgement china pushed the door closed from afar and opened her arms, already disappointed with her decision, beckoning Tanith forward. Tanith all but ran towards China and collapsed into her arms sobbing heavily into her, staining her blouse which only made her more regretful for allowing the hug. After a few sympathetic back pats and awkward moments China pulled her back, gripping her muscular shoulders, using the closeness to properly observe her eyes. China's were searching for any trace of that shadow, and Tanith's were desperately searching for any kind of hope.

China couldn't decide if she was surprised, scared or curious about Tanith's reappearance. She assumed a mixture of all three, not that any of it was registering on her face. Suddenly Tanith slid to her knees, choking back silent sobs against China's shins, her bony hands clinging to her trousers. China hadn't felt this way in a long time. Empathy was a very rare emotion for her and she felt uneasy as she tamed the urge to cry or collapse on the ground with her. She looked down at Tanith, propping her face up with an index finger to the chin. China had always respected Tanith's ability to control her emotions, but looking at her now, China could see those all too familiar feelings. Hope, desperation and fear streamed from her eyes down her face and then it hit her. The last time she had seen eyes like this, just before the door had swung open and Serpine Had entered the room. China saw Tanith clinging to that last thread of hope, the one China had had seen slowly unravel as she turned and left the room, Skulduggery's wife and children pleading as she closed the door.

China choked, instinctively stepping back and reaching for a bookcase for support, struggling to breathe. It felt like she had been winded and her mind spun and her shoulders heaved, all in silence. Attempting to compose herself she slammed the door closed on her own memories and circled back to the present situation, clarity returning, where Tanith knelt looking curious. That was the thing about China letting herself empathise, she had done too much, gone too far to ever deserve to receive the same treatment herself.

China stepped back towards Tanith, gripping her at the elbow and helping her stand up; leading her to recline gently on a plush, red velvet sofa. She then dragged a chair close to the blonde and sat herself down, clasping Tanith's hands in her own more as a gesture of kindness than anything. She still had symbols carved everywhere lest she had been fooled by the remnant. A little kindness couldn't go astray here; she probably wouldn't even remember it.

"Tanith, how did you … how are you ... you again?" China implored as gently as she could

Tanith's brows knitted together in fear or shock or some other emotion that left the face looking unpleasant and her body stiffened. Tanith's breathing became shallow and quick and China dropped her hand and clasped her face.

"Tanith?" she asked

"… I don't know … you just need to believe me, please" was all the Tanith could whisper before her eyes rolled back into her head and she passed out.

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review? xx  
Chairman Meow


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